Adieu 2009 : Reminiscing the roller-coaster ride of the past year - Last Part

Michael Joseph Jackson.

If you can look past all the bizarre news in the media that had surrounded him the last several years of his life and concentrate just on his music alone, you would see him for the genius that he is. And speaking of the media...just take into account another favourite artist of mine..John Mayer..who so accurately wrote in one his songs “When you trust your television, what you get is what you got, cos when they own the information, they can bend it all they want”. That's telling it like it is.

When you have someone as famous as MJ, you can bet there were people..human parasites to be precise..around him who were more than ready to do anything (literally) to feed off of his popularity, wealth and fame. All they wanted was a piece of him..to sell and make a profit for themselves. No one ever truly knew MJ, the man – what he was truly like inside in his soul. Except maybe his creator.

Needless to say when we heard the news of his death, it was no less than devastating. How could someone, whose videos and songs are etched in our minds for eternity, who’s older than us yes, but younger than our parents, be suddenly gone? We had been contemplating doing a tribute to MJ since the end of 2008, but we never would have wished for such an occurrence, wherein his popularity would suddenly skyrocket just because of his sudden and mysterious death. Suddenly the whole music industry (both here and abroad) was in fervour, and everybody it seemed was doing some sort of tribute or the other to MJ. But we refused to budge when we got the expected calls from different event organizers. We had dreamed of this tribute for so long and we had had such big plans for it. No way were we going to compromise on those visions. We had wanted it to be a proper tribute – with not just MJ’s music but his great showmanship as well, with all the dances and theatrics. And so we waited. We waited till we were ready to put forth such a show.

On October 16, 2009, exactly three months and three weeks after his death, after countless meetings to address all the logistics issues, and all the band practices and dance practices, we staged a show at Le Saigon. Throughout the past months I’d painstakingly picked up the dance moves to “Thriller” and together with like-minded MJ dance enthusiasts, Tasaffy, Rahib, Nasr, Aashna and Sanam, we met 3-4 times a week to master the famous moves. It was SO darn HARD!!! And then one day Buno, a great musician and a great chum, came over to watch practice one day and pointed out that each new ‘step’ of the whole dance sequence started with the bass line! And presto! It ALL became SO easy!!! People, you should ALWAYS pay attention to the bass of every song out there. They carry immense power...I kid you not!

On the day of the show everyone was super tensed, especially yours truly, and misunderstandings and tempers flared...naturally. But thankfully there were more diplomatic people around to soothe and calm everyone’s nerves, so sticky situations got nicely unstuck. Hehe. And the best part – we managed to pick up the moves to “Beat It” as well that very morning. Yes...we were lucky to have such amazing dancers =)

On the music front we had tons of talented peeps as well. A few years ago we’d discovered a voice that truly befitted MJ’s countertenor...Leo. Saif had met Leo at work and had known then and there that he’d be the right choice in singing some of MJ’s earlier compositions (think songs from “Off the Wall”). We also had Jawad (’71) sing one of MJ’s most rocking songs ever, “Give in to Me”. We had the talented Nadeer Ahmed (of Maqsood O Dhaka and Stone Free fame) accompanying us on percussion. And then we had Fahim (SHOCK, Crystal Planet) on his super sexy white guitar, playing Eddie Van Helen’s solo in “Beat It” with more passion than the original artist himself.

Thus armed with all the right ammunition we staged one of the most fun shows ever! Against an amazing backdrop poster designed by Rahul, we belted out one hit song after the other and knew we were getting things right when the whole floor sang along with us. The level of excitement and high-adrenaline factor skyrocketed at the very end of the show...when all the dancers, in their Zombie costumes and make-up, courtesy of the ah-may-zing Sharmin aka Shundori aka Kani, came out and we all started doing the “Thriller” dance.

It was a night beyond all nights. Of all the shows we had done during last year, this was THE show that we know we’d remember till the day we die.

Only someone who loved MJ’s legacy of music as much as we do will understand what I’m trying to say. When we were ALL singing “Heal The World”, I could see each and every face of the audience standing in the front row and there was no denying the happiness everyone was feeling because of HIS tunes, HIS lyrics, HIS music.

And so I’ll just leave you with this thought...that this is what all of us should remember about this man. That his music...made us happy.

Clockwise from center: Event poster designed by Rahul; Me; Jasper in his white "Smooth Criminal" suit;, Fahim with his sexy guitar, smile & legs; the familiar sequined white glove; Sharmin readying Aashna and the rest of the dance troupe; Jasper moonwalking while the crowd cheers on; Leo on the mike; Emran on keys; Saif with his prized Fender; the Dance troupe striking a pose!

Adieu 2009 : Reminiscing the roller-coaster ride of the past year - Part 5

Ok. I know there’s been a l-o-o-o-o-ng gap between my previous post and this one, but too many things were happening in the real world for me to manage any time for my ‘virtual’ one.
 
Anyways. Let’s get straight to business shall we? :D I DO hope you all had a listen to some serious Led Zep and Miles stuff in the meantime? I had asked rather nicely as I recall.

Right about the time we were busy with our Rajshahi and Khulna tour, we got the offer to perform in our very first “Tribute” show, which always takes place at the Sheraton Winter Garden Ballroom in Dhaka. And oh boy, the genre chosen by the event firm was no joking matter. Classic rock. And to top that, we were given one of the toughest bands ever in the history of classic rock to cover. Yup. Ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about none other than *drum roll please* the one, the only... Led Zeppelin!
 
Now comes the sad truth. There are hardly that many die-hard Led Zep fans in Bangladesh. And whatever percentage of peeps there are, they basically know the two most popular Zep songs; “Stairway to Heaven” and “Kashmir”. Outside these two hits, people here have hardly listened to anything else of theirs. And I can vouch for the fact (as would the zillions of Zep fans worldwide), these people had NO idea what they were missing out on. Gems like “When the Levee Breaks” and “Black Dog” and “Immigrant Song” and... Well yes, you get the picture.

Soon after, the gruelling practice sessions for the show started. We took on board three very talented musicians – Jawad (of the band ’71) as a guest vocalist, Sunny (of ReDhun) as a guest guitarist and Imran bhai, harmonica-player extraordinaire. The former can hit high pitches like he was born to do it, and Sunny... well, I likened him to Jimmy Paige. A fitting thing to do trust me :D As for Imran bhai, have a look at this video to see his prowess over the harmonica.

There was a whole lot of ‘other’ drama involved regarding the whole show. During the months of practice we came to find out accidentally, that apparently this other band was covering Zep in the tribute. Without further ado, we of course contacted the event firm and they assured us that no, we were the only band who will be performing Zep that night. But yes, apparently a senior band in Bangladesh’s music industry were apparently very much against us performing at the Tribute and they had recommended the other band. They’re stance (or pitiful/lame ‘excuse’) for disfavouring us? “What can a funk band know about rock? That too classic rock? Ever since their inception they’ve established themselves as a funk band. Led Zep or any other classic stuff is out of their league.”

Well E-X-C-U-S-E us! Though funk is one of our true loves, it doesn’t mean that’s all we know or understand. I may not know THAT much about music but I can proudly say that thanks to my parent’s, sibling’s and extended family’s taste in music, I have pretty much grown up listening to and appreciating pretty much ALL genres of music. And Saif? One of his top two favourite bands from the world of rock and metal is “Rush” and “Megadeth”. He’s also a die hard fan of David Coverdale. He pretty much has their full discography in CD, DVD or mp3 format.

And we could say the same thing about the said band. “What can a POP band know about other genres of music? Ever since their inception 30 years back, they’ve established themselves as a POP band. Any other genre of music is out of their league.” But we won’t. Because we, for one, can see how baseless the whole statement is.

Well needless to say, this whole business made us even more determined than ever to show them (and everyone else who might have doubted us) that we COULD perform Led Zep songs and do it well.

On the night of the show, we got on stage after “Dreek” who had covered “AC/DC”. We knew we needed to give our very best because after us “Miles” was coming on stage to cover “Deep Purple”. We started with “Immigrant Song” and it was a rather shaky start but after that point onwards, each song we performed boosted our confidence further. By the time we started “Kashmir” (sung by Jawad), we were super high on adrenaline and it showed. We had known, from the very first, that it was this one song that would be our ultimate test with the audience. So when at the end of our set, we came down from the stage and had people and well-wishers telling us that “Kashmir” had actually given them goosebumps, we knew that we had given back the best rejoinder to all those people with no vision and no sense of the bigger picture.

Phew! There! I have vented my pent-up feelings about the whole matter quite enough I believe. So how about I end here before I put you all to sleep?

My next post is of course going to be about our first tribute to Michael Jackson. I say ‘first’ because this coming Friday, we are repeating the show for the second time. This time around, everyone’s a bit more relaxed and not dying in tension about every minute detail.

So till next my next post...Cheers everyone! 

P.S. After the show we all went over to Pizza Hut in Gulshan to celebrate with all things cheesy and beefy :D

Clockwise from top left: dio with the stage backdrop behind him, sharing a joke during the sound check, saif & jawad chatting with the sound guys, saif's 2 mistresses (of many), saif & sunny doing their stuff, the zep gang (partial) at pizza hut for dinner after the show, saif & sunny again, imran bhai on the harmonica

Translations of "Bhashar Gaan" (Songs about our language movement)

21st February Original Lyrics: Abdul Gaffar Chowdhury
Original Composition: Altaf Mahmood
 
Aaaa Aaa Aaa Aaa...Aaa
Aaaa Aaa Aaa Aaa...Aaa

Oh how our brothers died on 21st February
It’s forever in our memory
Countless mother’s tears fell on 21st February
It’s forever in our memory
Our country’s birth was built on 21st February
It’s forever in our memory

Time to rise again..time to rise again and wage with your might
So many children have died in this fight!
How can you, our enemy, think you will win
When you start counting your black book of sins...black book of sins?!?!
No! No!
You will all pay; yes, come what may
21st February! 21st February!

It was a night...a wintry night...the moon was set alight
It was a night ..like any other night
Everywhere the fragrance of flowers filled the air

Suddenly...from the dark.. from the dark they came
To kill and slay, murder and maim
Killing the innocent all in war’s name
They are all ruthless oh they have no shame
They have cornered us in their hatred’s game
They’re not on our side
They will betray us and then hide
They’ve taken our peace; we have to be free!
21st February! 21st February!

Aaaa Aaa Aaa Aaa...Aaa
Aaaa Aaa Aaa Aaa...Aa

***

Salam Salam Endless Salams
Original Lyrics: Fazal-E-Khoda Original Composition: Md Abdul Zabbar

Salam salam endless salams!
 
Salam salam endless salams!
To your dearest memory
All those of you who’ve given their lives
For our precious liberty

So that we can speak in Bangla
So that we have freedom of rights
You have all fought the hardest fight
You burn in our hearts like a candlelight
For now, for eternity
For those of you who’ve given their lives
For our precious liberty

The blood that’s spilled in this fight,
Everywhere has set alight
A revolution amongst all of us
In sacrifice believe we must
For now, for eternity
For those of you who’ve given their lives
For our precious liberty

All for one and one for all!
The enemy must now fall!
Light the way through the dark
Oh wash away misery’s mask
For now, for eternity
For those of you who’ve given their lives
For our precious liberty

Salam salam endless salams!
To your dearest memory
All those of you who’ve given their lives For our precious liberty.

Adieu 2009 : Reminiscing the roller-coaster ride of the past year - Part 4

Well...I’m guessing a lot of you have been waiting with bated breadth for this post (Naaah! That’s just my big fat ego thinking out loud “I’m so darn clever with my writing!” :D :P)

Hmmm ... I’d mentioned an illicit love affair, didn’t I? Yes.. it was quite a delicious one too. Ok, ok! Enough of me joking around. Basically Laila had put forth an intriguing idea of a murder-mystery musical to Shammu Bhai and we all decided that it would be something really fun to do. So Laila wrote the main script called “Murir Moa”, with GrooveTrap providing the music as the live band. And yes... some of us had to act.. hehe.

Oh! .. What is a murder-mystery musical you ask?

I’m sure the ‘musical’ part is self-explanatory. As for the murder mystery.. it was a comic take on the classic whodunnit mysteries we’re all so familiar with – at least to those who’re into popular detective stories or TV series. Members of the audience who attended the musical basically saw a murder take place (not a real one of course) at the onset of the show. Then they were all provided with clues – that is, the motives for the murder and all sorts of other sordid details on each character’s part started to come glaringly under the spotlight (pun intended!). From the clues the audience were then left to guess the identity of the perpetrator of the crime, before the solution was revealed during the final act. And as is typical, the investigation was carried out by an amateur sleuth.. well an inspector in this case.. played by Laila .. assisted by her bungle-head of a sub-inspector played by her friend Murali, who’s got great comic timing. Oh..and no one could leave the show as everyone in the room was a suspect until proven otherwise. Some of the audience members also had to sit in the interrogation chair mind you!

Me? I played the rich, tragic (black) widow.. Nargis.. of the poor, poor murdered soul.. Chor Khan.. sigh. Incidentally the play was called “Murir Moa” because my soon-to-be-dead hubby was a businessman and he was murdered at the launching party of his latest product of...(you guessed it!) Murir Moa! Anyways.. the so-called illicit love affair was between Nargis and her young lover, Asif.. who was played by Jasper :D

Chotu Khan.. the lead vocalist of the band “Stonefree”.. played.. Chotu Khan.. the younger brother of Chor Khan. It was funny how Chotu bhai ended up playing a character having his own name. Though he’d been quite nervous about his part (“I’m a musician...not an actor”) he ended up giving one of the best performances of that night.

As I was meant to play a rich.. but not a sophisticated.. missus, I had to get the proper look. Kuhu, the famous artist and fashion designer, who is also Laila’s mum, was our Costume Supervisor. She took me to Ban Thai, where she instructed Qamrul (the owner) that I was to be given a garishly 60s look. And so the transformation begun. I could hardly recognize myself in the mirror once he was done. I think that was meant to be the point.

The best part about the whole episode I must say were the rehearsals. Particularly the ones with Jasper. It was so so funny to watch Jasper trying to remember his lines! Though singing comes as naturally to him as breathing.. acting was a whole different ball game for him. It was cute to see how Laila’s voice kept rising in impatience at certain times when she was trying to teach Jasper some tricks on how to memorize his lines.. lol.

Anyways, you’ll all have to undergo the torture of reading just one more post before I start on the MJ tribute. There is NO way I’m going to leave out the experience of doing our very first “Tribute”.. which is a regular musical event held by a major event management firm here. In our case, it was a tribute to classic rock and GrooveTrap went on to perform the songs of not only as legendary a band as Led Zeppelin, but to share the stage with a similarly legendary band of this country... MILES.

So till my next post.. have a listen to some of the more less-famous tracks of these two bands. Yes... I mean other than “Stairway to Heaven” or “Chaad Tara” :P

Cheers!

Snapshots from the show. Credits: Bijoy

Adieu 2009 : Reminiscing the roller-coaster ride of the past year - Part 3

My last post had ended with reminiscing over MJ and his leaving us too soon. I miss him... or to be more precise... his presence in this world... Sigh... :(

Anyways...on to more light-hearted stuff...before I start on how bloody-effing-amazing the experience of doing the Tribute to MJ had been... I do want to mention a few other fun times that GT experienced during 2009...

The first one has to do with two shows we had outside Dhaka city. It was a NOKIA event, and as part of the launching strategy for their latest cell phone to hit the Dhaka market, they were arranging all these shows across Bangladesh... Chittagong, Sylhet, Bogura, Rajshahi and Khulna...called the “Nokia Boishakhi Music Mela”. We were asked by the agency which handles Nokia, to open for the main band...Warfaze. Unfortunately due to work and study pressures, we could only accept the dates for the last two cities...:(

Boy it was hectic. But it was so much fun! All road trips are, and if you get paid for something that you love doing...well...all I can say is “Woohooo!”

Because my back was still in its ‘recovery’ mode I went lying down the whole way..lol..taking up the space of two people :P..my feet resting on Saif’s lap...

One of our closest friends..Sabir...accompanied us on these trips...he's kind of like our very own "LIVE" entertainment. He kept trying to pull Jasper's leg ALL the time throughout the trip :D. I recall one time... while we were returning to Dhaka.. Jasper's dad called, asking about our whereabouts...and Sabir on the spot blurted out "Jamurki!" And Jasper actually told his dad "Amra akhon Jamurki'te" (We're in Jamurki)..and then after hanging up, went "What the fudge is Jamurkiii????"

The show at Rajshahi was our first brush with the mass audience outside Dhaka city. And we soon came to realize that forget GrooveTrap... and even Warfaze. This crowd was purely the L.R.B/Ayub Bachchu and Nagar Baul/James crowd...Beyond the Warfaze songs which had gained mass popularity, the audience were not that overly familiar with the band’s full discography.

So it was a lesson well learnt. For Khulna, we went on to include AB’s “Mon Chaile Mon Pabey” and James’ “Sultana Bibiana” in our setlist...a nice lil medley of the two..hehe. Jasper came on stage, bespectacled, wearing his Bermuda shorts,...and went on to shout out to the crowd... “Khulna! Kotha kom! Kaj Beshi!” Afff...such a nice mimic of James he is ..down to the singing! Haha. Needless to say we made the crowd go wild that time.

Anyways...the overall trip to Khulna was way better than Rajshahi. We were put up in a fab hotel in Khulna..Hotel Royal International...where other than the nicely furnished rooms, the food was excellent. Best part? A complementary glass of fresh juice (the lemon one is AWESOME) served with the three basic meals of the day :D

As Russel Peters would say.. A Class!

The best ‘gift’ we got out of this show was about four months down the road. We had gained a fan in Khulna who, while on a sojourn to Dhaka, called up our bassist, Adil Bhai, (he’d saved the number back during the tour)...and requested to come to one of our live shows if we were having any.

And so we invited him over to our gig at the Nokia Glitterbug event on August 13th... :) and took a snap together...

Sigh... (this one’s a good sigh... hehe)

Anyways, the second experience I am going to elaborate on in my next post. For now all I’ll say is that it involved an illicit love affair...a murder...and a whole lot of hair-spray!

Cheerio!

Clockwise from bottom left: Sabir, Jasper & Me, On with the show, Saif, the crowd at Khulna, Me lying in the micro, the current GT line-up on a launch 

Bachelorette Parteh...Bangali Style! The 'Ai Buro Bhaat'

Giggles. Sighs. The soft rasp of silk, georgette and taat. The tinkling of glass bangles. Muted sounds of cutleries being laid out and music and laughter coming from the vicinity of the house somewhere. The soft hint of aromas of elaborately prepared food wafting in the air, drowning out that of expensive perfumes. Yes. It’s a party. But not just any kind of party. It’s that special, special party which is held in honour of the bachelorette before she embarks on a journey that has no maps and no finite destination. An un-chartered territory for every single girl out there, standing on the brink of matrimony.

In our part of the world, the so-called bachelorette party hardly resembles the ones of the West. For generations, the rich and time-honoured traditions of the ‘Ai Buro Bhaat’ have been carried down to these modern times. It’s more than just the ritual 'last rich meal' that is eaten by the bride, as a still-single woman in her own home, before the actual wedding ceremony takes place. Though the reasons for having an Ai Buro is still as good a guess as yours or mine (or anyone else for that matter), it’s believed that in the not-so-long-ago past, because weddings were arranged, the bride rarely ever got to have any part to play in the decision of marriage. Hence it was quite natural that as the days drew near for her to be married and sent off to her in-laws’ home, she’d start having the so-called pre-wedding jitters...about a hundred and one issues.

And so, as one of my long-time ‘sisters’ and confidantes, Deneb Zinat Latif, explained, “The Ai Buro was a way to get the women of the family together to calm the bride-to-be, give her good advice, bless her and also celebrate her entering into a new phase of her life. After this day, she usually would be given a diet of light, easily digestible food and extra care used to be taken of her skin, etc., so that she’d be glowing on her wedding day. Traditionally it’s only done for the bride, though these days you do get to hear about Ai Buro Bhaat for the groom, which is kind of odd since the word ‘Ai Buro’ refers to an unmarried young woman!! But whichever the case, no one from the future in-law’s side of the family are invited.”

Though strictly meant to be a family affair, these days bosom buddies of the bride also join in on the fun. In fact, nowadays you’ll see male family members joining in as well, in what traditionally used to be a women-only event. They share their marriage anecdotes and though they don't have active roles, some even contribute with dishes made on their own for the special day. Needless to say, since food is such an integral part of our Bangali culture, the Ai Buro is nothing short of a pot-luck feast for lunch, consisting of Bangali delicacies such as polao, chicken roast, beef bhuna, various fish curries, steamed prawn curry with coconut milk, vegetables, rice, daal (pulses), and an array of sweets, mainly kheer (grounded rice cooked with milk, sugar, raisins and nuts). All these are prepared by the various family members of the bride – dishes that she loved having in each of their homes. The bride doesn’t eat by herself but is fed by the guests one by one, usually beginning with the grandparents and moving on to parents, aunts, uncles and later the siblings, cousins and friends. Then everyone helps themselves to the food, and lunch is followed by an ‘anecdote-cum-advice’ session. Sometimes special doa mehfils precede the lunch, held by a lady moulvi sahiba, blessing for a happy union.

Everyone’s emotions during the occasion, naturally runs deep. Deneb spoke of her own memories, “My Ai Buro Bhaat was held 4 days before my wedding at my chachi's 0068ouse and it was so wonderful. I could really feel the outpouring of love that each family member had for me. Everyone had taken the trouble to make something special just for me. The atmosphere was festive, fun, cozy and very loving. I got advice about marriage and stuff but all with a good bit of humor mixed in. There were a few times when it occurred to me that this was the last time I’d be hanging out with them like this and next time when there is such an event, I’d be a married woman. You feel the sorrow of leaving a familiar life and entering into something new.” When I asked my long-time friend and sister-in-law, Tanzeem, how she’d felt, she reminisced, “You’ll feel torn between a mixture of emotions. One minute you’re happy to be moving ahead, while the very next you notice changes in you, your life, the relationships you have with everyone around you. You start being teased as ‘Oi barir bou’ and ‘Ei barir meye’. The Ai Buro marks the last day of bachelorette era before all the frenzy of the biye bari (a home where a wedding is taking place). Trust me, everyone in the meye’r biye bari experiences, along with the fun and laughter of a wedding taking place, the sorrow of someone being separated from one’s family and becoming part of a new extended one. Having those long chats, with peers and siblings who have gone through similar phases, do help.

As for the special bond between the bride and her mother during this time; one can only refer to it as being bittersweet. Nazma Quadir lovingly spoke of the fears her daughter had expressed to her right before the onset of her marriage; it was almost as if her little girl was back, looking in hope at her mother, the one person who could put all her apprehensions at rest. “I was so proud and so sad all at the same time. My daughter had grown into this beautiful, lively and confident young lady, about to become truly independent and responsible for her new life, but I was also having to see her leave.” Tanzeem elaborates, “One way to look at it, is how the daughters can get one more step closer to the moms as they get married and later on even more so when they have children of their own. Those in fights over everything in life can call a truce to enjoy and appreciate each other’s wisdom, personality and traits.”

Needless to say if you’re planning to hold your own Ai Buro Bhaat, you should realize by now that it’s meant to be strictly informal and restricted to family members and very special friends only. It’s an event to bring the family together, so if someone in the family wants to be the host, by all means let her be so. You might have to explain to some people what this is if they are not familiar with it. Don't try to over-plan it or make it a huge, gala affair. If you want to have a theme for the party, stick to the simple-&-minimalist, like decor, food or dress-wise but not going for all three all at once! If people want to render songs and dances, sans practice or planning, by all means let them. As a parent, you can arrange a simple slideshow from home videos or photographs of your daughter growing up. As for bringing gifts for the bride, it isn’t a mandatory custom and should be left up to the guests’ discretion. As Nazma Quadir explained, “I recall many Ai Buros, also known as ‘Kheer’ in many parts of Bangladesh, where family members would first feed the bride a spoonful of kheer, and then leave a small amount of cash underneath a shorposh (food cover). These days many bride-to-bes are presented with gifts ranging from cash to sharis or dress materials to everyday-wear jewellery. But this ritual wasn’t followed in either mine or my daughter’s Ai Buro”.

The final take-out is quite simple. The idea is to enjoy and have fun with one’s family in a casual, easy-going atmosphere but more importantly to truly appreciate the love the bride-to-be’s family has for her. That is the only thing that should matter in the end, when all is said and done.

Gun-Gun Gaye-Halud

If someone where to ask me what are the things that constitute as major pains in the a.. uhh.. tush, I’d say sitting for hours on end like a statue during your own Gaye Halud (which literally means turmeric on the body) and wedding has got to make the top five on the list.

I don’t know which one is the lesser of the two evils though. I think..umm..the Wedding? Yes. I mean just think. In the Gaye Halud, it’s traditional to sit with your legs folded under you...and yes...guys have it easier, being able to sit cross-legged...darn it! Naturally after several torturous hours of sitting in this awkward pose, you realize your lower half has gone totally numb and that as soon as you’ll try to change your position, you’ll feel as if a thousand pins and needles are attacking your legs. Then there’s the torment of having ‘kacha haldi baata’ smeared on your face, which if you have sensitive skin, can make you face feel as if it were on fire after a while. Many people these days, in need of salvation from this torture, have resorted to using uptaan. In a wedding, you at least don’t have to go through such horrendous ordeals. Not that sitting in a throne-like chair like a beautiful statute and having camera lights pointed at you for hours on end is anything to laugh about.

But wait. I do believe I’m painting too black a picture of what is perhaps the one occasion in a wedding where everyone gets to have the most fun. I mean where else do you get the meye pokhkho and cheley pokhkho each enjoying the fun of dressing up in their own respective similar, themed clothes? Or to perform parody songs meant to rib the bride or the groom and their young family members? I’ve even seen short skits being performed – say where the bride’s cousins acted in comic roles portraying someone from the groom’s side of the family, again all in good fun. And where else do you get to have a whole separate box of funny, humorous items as ‘gifts’ for the groom during the Cheler Gaye Halud? Where else but here do all the young ladies and gents of the biye bari get to flirt and check each other out and perhaps, after the main ritual of giving gaye halud is over, even cut a little rug on a make-shift dance floor to the thumping tunes of the latest Hindi number. The Gaye Halud of course.

So yes, this is one event during your entire Wedding where you get to have the most fun and so you’d like it to be abso-freaking-lutely perfect. And in my opinion, though every single aspect of the Gaye Halud, from the stage and flower arrangement to the food to how and with what gifts the groom’s family will be welcomed counts, I think it’s very crucial that one designs the cultural program for the Gaye Halud properly. After all if the entertainment and music is all “blah!” everyone will leave feeling all “blah!” as well! Not an outcome one wants to end up encountering in one’s picture-perfect wedding.

So first and foremost if you’re planning to have your siblings, nieces or cousins rendering songs, skits and dance routines, you should ensure that you or someone capable enough design the whole program schedule so that each song, skit and dance takes place in an orderly sequence. The key point is a smooth-as-butter transition.

For dance routines I wish people would choose Bangla songs like Jadu (Habib), Miththey Prem (Yaatri) or Shukno Patar Nupur Paye (Fuad featuring Mila) rather than the Hindi numbers. I’d prefer to leave those for the DJ or hired band to belt out for the dance party later on – if you’re planning to have a DJ or live band that is.

For rendering songs, age old numbers like Lila Bali, Biyar Shajoni Shajo Konnalo and Halud Bato, Mehendi Bato are good choices. As for parodies, some family members with good penmanship needs to sit down and simply change certain wordings of popular songs like Abar Jigai (Stoic Bliss), Pan Khaiya Thot Lal Korilam, Shonen Shonen Shudhi Jona, etc, to turn into hilarious accounts. And there is of course the infamous Puthi Path. Skits can be just as easily written out, but in the end all these separate routines – songs, dance sequence, skits, etc. – need to be practiced from at least two months before the actual event. I say two as I’m assuming everyone has their own busy schedule and they can’t just drop everything at the last moment and make it to practice every other day, so it’s a good idea to put the weekends to good use.

And yes a good quality sound system is a must. I mean just imagine. You and your Machiavellian family members will slave over writing some jolly good parodies and skits, but if all that the guests and bride/groom’s family end up hearing are garbled noises...well...that’s a perfect “Aaarrggh!” situation I’d say. In any case, a pair of bad speakers ends up giving everyone a splitting headache. So arrange for a good sound system! Many good bands and DJs these days come with a ‘package’ offer – musical instruments, sounds, lights – the whole thingamajig. You need to make sure from your end that you specify your expectations properly as they can offer you a range of rates as per your requirements. Also, if you have a favourite “track list” of Bangla, Hindi and English numbers which you’d like the band or the DJ to perform, than you need to tell them the list at least a month or three days beforehand respectively.

At end of the day “planning ahead” should become your mantra as it’s the only thing that will ensure that everything comes together without a hitch. But do make sure you don’t fall into the trap of becoming obsessive compulsive. “Delegating” should be your other mantra. You wedding is suppose to be your moment of joy and triumph and not end up giving you high blood pressure, raw nerves and dark circles under your eyes. Before going to bed each night, sit back against you fluffed-up pillows on your bed with a cup of hot, relaxing, aromatic tea and in an un-hurried and un-harried manner, make a list for everything that needs to be done, including what needs to be bought/hired when, from where and within what budget. Then, in due time just hand it over to the most-competent person to manage and implement. You? You should be nothing more than an “ad-hoc supervisor”.

Well then...I hope you get to have tons of fun planning for and then enjoying your Gaye Halud (your whole wedding to be precise) to the hilt. Bon voyage on you new life journey!

For sound/light systems:
1. Sound Machine: 8317601, 9343628, 01817042270, 01915472700, 01915472704
2. Sound Storm: 01711537571
3. SAS Compact Tunes: 8319898, 01711521142
4. Live Sound: 01713014991

Marriage to Music or Just an Affair? - Aug 7, 07

"The music business was not safe, but it was FUN. It was like falling in love with a woman you know is bad for you, but you love every minute with her anyway. - Lionel Richie

Music as a career. The very idea seems kind of alien, right? After all, here it’s still pretty much a taboo issue, especially if you’re coming from an average, well-to-do, middle-class family. The so-called ‘bhalo-ghorer-chele-meyera-eshob-korena’ syndrome is paramount in our society. As one friend joked “I’d probably have to kiss getting married goodbye if my biodata said ‘musician’ instead of ‘software engineer’”.

Ironically, most of the musicians I know all had their moms initiating them into the wee world of music. Tanvir Alam, aka Shawjeeb of ‘Chaka’ fame, enthused, “Parents’ interest matter a lot. Yes it’s true that you need a god-gifted talent first. But then when one’s parents recognizes that gift and tries to nurture it, that’s when the whole story begins. But for the story to keep on being told, you yourself must have the realization of what a precious gift you’ve been given and then nurture it. Not at your parent’s prodding.”

However, no parent really wants to encourage their kids to take up music as their sole profession. Parents would rather have doctors or engineers in the family. And their fears have solid grounds. Almost every single musician I chatted with, be it teens in underground bands or seasoned veterans, had to say the same thing about Bangladesh’s music industry, “We need major reforms or else reality bites – way too hard.”

My friend Ali, who is ReBORN’s vocalist, expressed, “Most artists, especially the new entrants and non-commercial ones, are being taken advantage of by major labels. Career wise it’s a bad lookout for musicians here who don't want to make commercial music…like us for instance. International exposure, at least in Calcutta, would be great but the music labels here don’t even do a proper job of promoting your music across your own country, forget distant shores.”

Although having a very musical family to help encourage and support him, independent producer/vocalist/lyricist and CEO of Bengal Music, Shayan Chowdhury aka Arnob has worked hard at making a successful career for himself. He explained “Music as a career is hard. Unless you’ve the grit to sacrifice a lot of things, I’d advice that you have a separate professional career and do music on the side. Otherwise it doesn’t pay. You have to survive by doing jingles, drama/movie scores, etc. Just doing albums won’t be enough even if you’re concentrating only on profit-oriented commercial music. The profits hardly outweigh the costs. Say one wants to work with musicians outside. Who’ll bear the traveling expenses? Exchanging files over the net is all very good but it’s WAY different than creating music together inside a studio. It’s just not financially feasible for most people.”

He and other musicians also expressed their wish for a union or government body who’d implement legal issues dealing with standard pricing, intellectual copyrights, and especially royalties. Aronnya’s guitarist/lyricist/vocalist Dipto pointed out, “The radio channels are playing our songs, there are midis, ringtones being made by telecom companies, websites are giving away our stuff for free downloads…yes, we’re grateful because that’s all helping to contribute to our fame but what about our share of the fortune?”.

Arnob, Dipto and other musicians also stressed that fact that music education needs to see major forefronts. Arnob explained “Chayanot or Dhaka University’s Shongeet O Nattokola are good but teaches only the basics of Eastern music. That starts you off well enough but then what? Music is a process of continuous learning. The whole process of becoming a better musician is a series of 'aha!' experiences. It's not gradual, or steady, or step-wise. And the more you learn the more you can experiment. You need to go on learning your whole life and it doesn’t end with just learning how to sing a particular type of song or playing a certain type of instrument. You need to learn the harmonics of music. The history of music. The different raags in Eastern music. You need to appreciate art in it’s every form, not just in terms of music. Otherwise you can’t think out of the box.”

Triloy’s keyboardist, Apu and I were discussing how it would be wonderful to have people teaching music under one roof – a proper institution so to speak. For that to happen, someone needs to take the initiative to assemble the human resource and other assets required. The lack of good teachers is a major barrier. We don’t really have people in our country who can teach Western music and the respective instruments – the piano, the violin, the sax, the clarinet, etc – professionally. And I seriously wish someone would think of introducing music as a subject in the primary and secondary schools. I mean just think – it’s been scientifically proven that instrumental music enhances one’s mathematical skills and intelligence levels. That should be an incentive in itself!

But is the picture all bleak? If that were the case, why are more and more people trying to enter the industry? Isn’t the mirror always suppose to have two faces?

Well, one positive trend we’re seeing now is the amount of opportunities and resources available to pursue your musical ambitions. There’s easier access to musical instruments and equipment. And instead of scourging for old hand-me-down music magazines, you have the net to do anything from downloading guitar tabs, to advancing your musical knowledge, to promoting your music. Recently I opened my own music page on Myspace, which is brilliant for generating interest - people can hear your music all over the world at the touch of a button and it's a good way of letting people know about your gigs.

Ashiq of RaaGa also mentioned how the advent of music channels like MTV and Vh1 was not only exposing people to different genres of music but was preventing the yester years’ trend of ‘copying’ music. He stated, “Inadvertently this forces you to explore your own talent and make something from scratch. You grow more.”

And these days regular gigs like “Friday 6 PM KOZMO (A)live” at KOZMO Lounge and “Wireless Sessions” at Decagon Café are also helping to create a platform for budding musicians to showcase their talents.

And if you can turn your back on all the social shackles during the initial stages of your struggle and become a rockstar…well, the society then runs after you. And a career in music doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do albums. There are many session artists who’re earning around 1 lakh taka per month just by playing in gigs or working on albums with music producers and artists. That’s big money.

It’s like how Mr. Richie put it above. Here’s a situation where you fall passionately in love with a woman, who’s a tad dangerous but oh so addictive. Who knows? If all goes well, you could just end up marrying her after all and live happily ever after.

Monsoon Magic - June 7, 07

Every….Single….Time. Undeniably. Irrevocably. There’s no avoiding it. Each and every time the skies above me darken as the rumbling clouds gather before opening their arms wide open to set forth the cool, cool monsoon breeze, I wake up.

What I mean to say is that it may be in the wee hours of the early morning, say around 4 a.m., or during a lazy, weekend afternoon, when I’m totally lost in blissful slumber, that without a doubt, an imminent storm will wake me up. There simply has to be an invisible connection between the onslaught of rain and my biological clock. Mind you, I’m no light sleeper. Nothing short of a blaring alarm clock (or my ma banging on the door non-stop) will wake me up. So the only conclusion left to make is that I have an undeniable love affair with monsoon in all its glory.

It all starts with the calm before the storm. The so-called calmness is just a façade. You can actually sense the throbbing pulse of suppressed excitement of the imminent downpour to follow. I can feel it beating in my pulse and it literally makes me pace the floor of my bedroom and veranda… waiting… waiting… when suddenly, out of the blue, I’ll spy some errant leaves swirling in a burst of air and just scant seconds later that sensuous, erotic touch of the wind that’s so much a part of a storm will start ebbing and flowing. Go on. Take a deep, deep breath. Now wouldn’t you say that that has got to be the one of the richest legacies that Mother Nature has given us?

One reason I think I love the rain so much is because of all the wonderful memories that are tied to the monsoon season. I still recall how my ma would help me and my elder brother, Sakib, tear up used pages from our revision copies and make paper boats, big and small, to set adrift on the puddles and streams of rain water that would collect in the cervixes and hollows on the ground. Then there’s getting wet in the rain while feeling your toes sink in the warm, wet earth below and the grass tickling your feet. The best part about this is that you have all your clothes on which somehow heighten the enjoyment of it all. Don’t ask my why for I have no clue.

And how can we forget all the ritualistic food??! Piping hot tea or coffee with crispy muri bhaja with zesty shorishar tel and onions. Or if it’s lunch time then bhuna khichuri with spicy beef or fried fish. And since it is the monsoon season, it means that the dining table will include your homemade, yummy mango chutneys. The ones made by your nani or dadi always taste the best. Oh! Speaking of mangoes, they’re a constant element when it comes to dessert as well! And lichies, which we skin and refrigerate in a box so that they taste like frozen sorbets, makes their perfect dessert-dating partner.

See? It has to be the memories.

Just three days back, right on cue at 6 a.m., I woke up. I was a little disoriented at first and couldn’t put my finger on what it was exactly that had broken my sleep. Then I heard it. The wailing sound of the wind rushing through the leaves of the trees. I got up in a flash, all the sleep gone from my eyes and ran towards my window to throw back the drapes and the shutters. And smiled. Because I knew that in just a little while, I’d be on my way to making some more memories. Memories of monsoon magic.

Trip to Tong-land - June 7, 07

Road trips. Or train journeys. Ok. Here’s a quick multiple choice question quiz as to what’s the best part about such sojourns, be it cruising down the roads in your car or chugging down the railways of our country to some far off, distant place.

Yes, yes. I know. Some of you might claim that it’s the beautiful sceneries that zip past the windows. Music aficionados might sing off-key praises about the importance of arranging all the amazing and ‘feel good’ music in your mp3 or your car’s CD collection – the ultimate ‘road trip’ or ‘train journey’ playlist. Alright, I admit that these have to be a quintessential part of the whole traveling experience but aren’t we forgetting the one thing that is absolutely unique to our country? Any guesses? Anyone? No? Sigh! How can we leave out or survive without our tong’er dokans. They should have reached a cult-status by now…

One has to admit that once you start feeling all the cramps and aches and pains down your legs and back (or alternately your bladder starts protesting against incessant pressure), it feels like absolute heaven to stop the car by a quaint, little roadside tea stall and get down to stretch a little (or alternately put your bladder to rest nearby some unresisting shrub).

The creaking, wooden benches, permanent appendages in front of the stall, somehow feel way more comfortable than the seats of your car and the tiny cups seem to be just the perfect size for holding the right amount of tea. Talking about the tea…the guys who run these places seem to have down making sickeningly, sweet dudh cha (milk tea) down pat. But strangely enough, they don’t taste sickening on these trips. In fact, they seem to morph into the best damn tasting tea ever made on the face of this planet. The rong cha (milk-less tea) taste equally good with the water taking on this interesting, slippery texture due to being simmered over the stove non-stop in a metal pot.

As for the proprietors I just mentioned. Well. Somehow my dad, or my uncle, or my brother – yes, it’s this guy thing – always seem to end up striking up with them what seems to be the most riveting conversations this side of a cocktail party. Must be something in the tea.

The road trips aside, the train journeys have their own perks when it comes to these tong’er dokans. There’s not a lot of walking you can do inside a cramped train and not surprisingly the stopovers en-route to your destination feels like mini-trips within your big trip. The tea stalls bear gratifying similarities to their roadside cousins, thank god, and the best part about such stops is that there’s always this little drama involved of making sure one doesn’t miss the train. Yes. Run, baby, run.

For those of you who’re completely in the mist about what I’ve written so far, I’d recommend that you ask someone within your circle of friends, who’s a road trip or train journey connoisseur, to take you on one. After that, if you don’t re-read this article and go “Ah!” then I should take up another career like say…traveling. Here that rapid-fire tinkle of a spinning spoon inside a tea cup? That’s a tonger dokan calling out to me to do just that.

Want to go for a ride?

Showcase of Summer Get-aways - May 19, 07

With temperatures racing upwards every day, you sure don't need to be reminded that summer’s here. The fluctuating temperatures between the hot, humid outdoors and the cool confines of AC’ed rooms have clothes sticking to you as soon as you step outside, not to mention giving you severe cases of dreaded summer colds. Besides, one’s precious ACs are of no use with our famed powercuts and loadshedding. The heat seems to make you more sluggish at work and all you feel is like taking a break from it all and spending some time with mother nature as your only company, albeit with all the basic amenities near at hand so that you don’t need a vacation from the vacation you’re taking! The best part about getting away during the summer is that since it’s off season, the hotel prices are nearly slashed to half their peak rates and the ‘holidaying crowd’ is blessedly minimal. Translation? You can really enjoy a trip in true solace and silence.

Approximately only a 4 hours drive by car or bus from Dhaka, how about traveling to the lush and lovely tea gardens Sylhet is so famous for? There is the beautiful Zakaria City and Jaflong, and you might also want to include a visit to the shrine of Hajrat Shahjalal (R) and take in the mesmerizing effect of the water fall, Madhabkunda. Enjoy the Monipuri Tribal maidens doing their famous dance for you, and besides checking out the shopping malls there, be sure to drop in at London Fried Chicken, a local franchise company in town opened by a guy from London, said to have some of the best fried chicken you’ve had for ages.

Let’s by-pass the rather clichéd Cox’s Bazaar shall we? Let’s foray into a place a little bit more difficult to access but well worth the effort. All you romantics will surely love Kuakata, locally known as Shagor Konnya (Daughter of the Sea), the only beach in Bangladesh where you can enjoy watching both sunrises and sunsets. Kuakata means “digging a well” and there’s a two hundred year old kua (well) here built by the Rakhine tribe, who’ve settled in Kuakata from Myanmar. Keranipara is the nearest Rakhine village from the beach, where you can visit a 100 year old Buddhist temple named “Seema Mandir” with an incarnation of Buddha made of eight different metals. Parjatan Holiday Homes at Kuakata is the safest and coziest place to stay although there are a number of other hotels around the badh (dam).

In Rangamati, you can enjoy the wondrous beauty of Khagrachori waterfall, the blue, blue water of the man-made Kaptai Lake with its hanging bridge, the colorful tribal life and culture, jeep rides through hills and dales, attractive handicrafts…yes the list is seemingly endless. Suvolong, surrounded by the waters of Kaptai Lake, is sure to make even the weariest hearts feel they’re on paradise – yes it’s that beautiful. And oh yes…those of you with a sweet tooth should know that the sweetmeat of Suvolong is famous for their delicious taste. Also, try to spend a night with a good book and your mp3 player on the nearby island resort “Peda Ting Ting”, which in Chakma apparently means “take food, take rest and go”. You can catch the sunset and sunrise over the lakes and mountains. The island has three cottages for rent, named “Radhamon”, “Dhonpuri” and “Tanyabi”, and a restaurant where you can enjoy indigenous specialties like chicken baked in bamboo and grilled fish fresh from the lake. Yum!

Now for all you Indiana Jones types, how about a spell at the Sundarbans or Bandarbans? I have it on good authority from my deshtrotting friends that Bengal Tours and Guide Tours have some of the best deals for these places. They offer a lot of different tour packages depending on how many days you want to stay, what kind of cabins you want in their launches, what kind of food you’d prefer, etc. But the minimum decent package would cost around BDT 5,000 to 6,000.

In Sundarbans, your main accommodation will be the launch and you can go on daily boat rides to sigh in wonder over the mangrove forests and wild deers, and gasp over large and lazy crocs sun tanning on the riverbeds. The large and lazy part is quite deceiving as I’ve seen these beasts disappear with lightening speed into the waters, when a boat gets too close for their comfort. And if you’re really desperate to spot a Royal Bengal Tiger, although chances of that are very slim, you can even stay overnight on a macha (wooden watching tower) at Hiran Point…if you want to, given that the guides won’t stay with you or take any such responsibility otherwise. They’ll simply leave you there around dusk with a lantern, food and blankets. If you survive the ordeal, they’ll come to fetch you come next morning. Unless you have nine lives, best not indulge in such daredevil acts. For those of you not interested in roughing it and prefer soaking in art, history and culture, try visiting the shrine of Lalan Shah or the Shilaidaha Thakur Bari, where you can see the daily usage materials of Rabindranath Tagore’s family.

Bandarban, wilder than the other two hill districts, Khagrachari and Rangamati, boasts deep forests, high hills, innumerable springs and the simple life of the tribes. There are 11 different tribes living in Bandarban, so it’s a town of mixed cultures. Besides the tribal people’s holy places, there are Hindu temples, Kangs (Buddhist temples), mosques and churches. Bandarban is ideal for trekking and hiking. An exciting and popular trekking route is that to Keokradong, the highest peak in Bangladesh, and staying overnight in a tribal village is a requisite of this trip. It’s also possible to cover the second highest peak, Tahjingdong in the same trekking route. And for those of you who might not find all that walking up their pants, you can try out the “Quantum Meditation Resort”, established in Lama, for some spiritual pursuit in natural surroundings.

So if you’re feeling as if the summer heat’s making Dhaka life even more oppressive than usual, simply get away from the chaos of modern life and rejuvenate in the natural surroundings of our beautiful mother land. Just one last word of advice. Do make Odomos your best friend during these trips and not the mosquitoes...haha – bon voyage!

Useful links:
http://www.bengaltours.com/index.html#
http://www.guidetours.com/home.html
http://www.bangladeshecotours.com/bangla.html
http://www.bdyellowbook.com/catalog/Tour___Travel/
http://www.quanfey.org/Pages/MeditationResort.html

Spiralling Down The Unsafe Sex Road

“Birds do it, Bees do it,
Even educated fleas do it.
Let's do it, Let's fall in love"
~ Cole Porter

Farhana* aged 16, was at a party at a popular club in town with her 19 year old current boyfriend, Jamshed. The drugs and alcohol were flowing freely, she was high on both and at one point, she and Jamshed find an empty room and start getting physical. Jamshed had been asking her a lot lately about having sex. She felt guilty every time he made comments like 'I love you. I want to be with you like forever...marry you, have kids, go the whole way. I think the time's right...we should do it now. Don't you love me? Looks like you don't.” She'd kept dodging the issue but tonight she felt giddy and the inhibitions she'd been having were blissfully absent. And so in a dark, deserted, bare-of-furniture room, Farhana 'made love' with the 'guy of her dreams'. Without a condom.

Bombarded with mixed messages, hormones racing at the speed of light, trapped by taboos that don't answer their questions, more teens these days are doing a whole lot more than just 'falling in love'. If you think promiscuity is just a disease of the West and 'it's better here' where adolescents here are protected by a cocoon of 'culture', you're in for a very rude awakening.

Last week, two of our correspondents got into a conversation with some young people about their views on relationships and dating. What they heard was jarring enough to set them on a quest of discovery, and this week, we share their findings. Be prepared for the disturbing truth...

“It's such a common scene”, exclaims Maheen, aged 17. “The guys make the girls believe that everything's perfect and somehow pursue them to go for it. They sweet-talk the girls. Nowadays having sex means proving your love's true worth. I think they all just want to go physical and are using love as a scapegoat! There's nothing much to do here and girls aren't given a lot of freedom to pursue their interests. They're looking for all the thrills that they can get and this is one of the most forbidden of all the thrills.”

Adnan, aged 20, tells us of his friends who regularly schedule their activities at his place, sometimes even on an everyday basis. I think there's too much sex on TV R-rated movies that don't promote condoms or anything. And there's overuse of drugs and drinks. It's so widely available nowadays. 'Good weed' costs only Taka 80 here. That's cheap. You get high; then you go crazy.”

With more and more of this city's urbane teens falling into this trap, there is increased peer pressure on those who don't have 'someone special' and haven't done 'it'. Furthermore, teens who use alcohol or drugs are more likely to go for it than those who don't, as they're more likely to engage in risky behaviour.

“Teen sex is definitely on the rise”, stated Dr Dilruba Nilufar, consultant gynaecologist at the Dhaka Mahanagar Hospital. While not many studies have been conducted on this subject, the frequency of young, unmarried girls below the age of 18 seeking help regarding pregnancies, STDs and other sex-related problems has increased over the past couple of years. She places the starting age for such cases at 15-16 years.

But even sober teens are having unprotected sex. Why? Mainly because they're either unaware of the risks involved or are living in a sense of false security. Obviously, teens consider casual sex partners risky. Yet teens' decisions to use condoms are based more on a partner's attitudes toward condoms than on their own perception of risk. And teens may feel a false sense of security about main partners. False because so many teens with main partners also have casual partners. And it's false because serial monogamy having one “main” partner for a brief time and then another isn't an effective safe-sex strategy. Sexual health may be jeopardized when one partner views the relationship as a mutually committed one but the other partner doesn't which is the case here most of the time. One must take into account that the starting age for many of these teens is very low. At this point of time, although they cannot really claim complete ignorance about the risks and the import of what they're doing (heck, with the media's obsession with the birds and bees, you have to be a hermit not to know) their knowledge is largely incomplete, and this, combined with their devil-may-care attitude towards the whole thing, is just a time-bomb waiting to explode.

It's absolutely crucial to stress the need for consistent condom use regardless of the teen's feelings toward the partner, sense of the partner's commitment, or the length of the relationship.

Missed Calls

From the heavens to the womb to the heavens again
From ending to ending, never got to begin
~ Flipsyde

As irresponsible as these youngsters are being about their own lives, they are also playing with the lives of others, especially when pregnancy comes to play. According to information gathered from a counselling centre, there are two types of teens who come to the counselling seeking advice regarding pregnancy. A significant number of them are young girls from lower-middle income groups who claim the intercourse was forced on them by older male cousins or other relatives, and who have little or no knowledge about birth control. The other type comprises more affluent college students who are well aware of the consequences of what they are doing. The question remains, though: do they really know?

Anika 18, sadly states “You ask any young kid and they'll know at least three to four girls who have an abortions. I'm sure the number's more as people obviously like to keep such stuff hush-hush. They go with their friends or boyfriends and getting the money is no big deal. Abortion costs around Tk 6,000 or even less. The guy and girl 'go Dutch' or the friends help out and you're done. They're more scared about their parent's reaction to the pregnancy than anything else”.

This being a country with a Muslim majority, abortion is not encouraged or recognised by the government. Pregnancy termination is carried out under the name of Menstrual Regulation (MR), and maybe legally performed on pregnancies up to 12 weeks old. Termination of pregnancies advanced beyond 12 weeks is considered as illegal abortion, and is punishable by law. It must be added here, that even early termination is risky for first-time mothers, as there's an 80% risk of permanent infertility amongst other threats, not least of which is that abortion performed before age 18 increases the risk of developing breast cancer by 150%.

Who's Afraid of The Big Bad Bug?

Most adolescents here are very much ignorant about STDs and how they're transmitted. And when asked whether they practice safe sex and how they felt about accidental pregnancies the answers were nothing if not horrifying. Of the teens we spoke to, while most knew about condoms, many still preferred not to use them, because apparently it is less 'enjoyable'. The girls, many of them relying on sketchy ideas about menstrual cycles, don't insist on their partners using protection.

Very few, if any of our respondents were aware that STD's can occur even when there is no intercourse. With diseases like herpes, mononucleosis, and more spreading through exchange of saliva, you're not safe just because you're not 'going the whole way'.

Also STDs are sexist-they damage women much worse than men (refer to links). In a single act of unprotected sex with an infected partner, a teenage woman has 1% risk of

Let's Talk About Sex

All this shows how very important it's becoming to have comprehensive sex education in schools that include simple, straightforward and positive messages about sex, sexual relationships, reproduction and birth control, sexually-transmitted diseases, and sexual abuse.

Sadat, aged 25 emphasises, “You cannot stop people from having sex. But you can ensure that they practice it safely, which is imperative. Purchase of contraceptives should be made easier. Going to a pharmacy to get condoms, where everybody will smirk behind your back isn't a healthy sexual attitude towards guys let alone girls. There should be dispensaries or vending machines providing contraceptives and things like booklets on safe sex. They should also be available in supermarket shelves so that it saves the blushes to ask for it. And please; it's about high time we had sex education in our schools. Parents, relatives, our education system shy away from a subject still considered taboo. Big mistake. Big.”

Dr Sabin Afrin, gynaecologist, Dhaka Mahanagar Hospital disagrees about the viability of sex education programs in schools. In her opinion, in a conservative society like ours, such programs would not be welcomed by parents. Dr. Dilruba Nilufar, who echoes this sentiment, however, stresses on sex education at home. The Talk, when it happens between parents and preteens, and it must, if we are to protect our kids against these frightening circumstances, should cover more than the basic 'menstrual cycles and stay away from boys' package.

Information is power, and in this high-risk day and age, children and teens need all the information they can get. Refusing to talk about sex doesn't mean that children are safe, that nothing bad will happen to them. When you withhold information about sex, reproduction, the possibility of sexual abuse and contracting STDs from your children you are simply putting all children at risk.

To be more aware of how YOU can be at risk please visit:
http://www.proknowledge.org/
http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/effect_of_abortion.asp
http://womenshealth.about.com/od/stds/a/stdmythsvsfacts.html

By Sabrina F Ahmad and Simin Saifuddin

Special thanks to Dr Dilruba Nilufar and Dr. Sabin Afrin. All names (and places) of our other respondents have been changed to protect privacy.

Lulling on Our Lack of Libraries

My brother got recently married and during Boxing Day, I watched how the happy couple enthusiastically paged through all the books they’d received as gifts. To them the books were as expensive as the next toaster or dinner set. My own immediate thought was “Wow. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to receive Sattyajit Ray’s complete Feluda series as a wedding present?!” But the art of gifting people with cherished tomes seems to be disappearing amidst a visual culture of television, DVDs and the internet. Where to put the blame for this trend? There are simply so many factors to the equation.

I grew up around books. We had cable TV as well, with shows my brother and I were addicted to like the next average kid. But our parents took the time to instill in both us a deep appreciation for reading. They loved filling up the shelves with their favorite authors and introduced us to the magical, transforming power of books – their ability to transport us beyond our puny lives and to shape the very texture of our personalities. But the equation didn’t end there. They also took us on frequent trips to the library based inside the Army cantonment.

In the equation of fostering a reading culture, a library acts as a compounding device, allowing a child to multiply the efforts of parents and the school, and providing the materials to make this process possible. Today, with books and movies more expensive than ever, and television entertainment free-falling to the lowest levels of stupidity, the library provides a place and an incentive for children to progress in reading. Public libraries are also where ordinary citizens with limited funds and knowledge can gain both access and equity. These days they also serve a vital social role as Internet access points for people who’re otherwise unconnected to the information superhighway.

I feel envious when friends and relatives abroad talk to me of neighbourhood libraries that function like a gathering place; where communities find themselves. The book discussions, readings and classes, the homework help after school, the nods and hellos people exchange when they see each other at the library for the second or fifth or twentieth time, the librarians greeting people by name, and even the artwork that reflects the talents and interests of the neighborhood, all contribute to the connections that bind people in a community. People may go to the library looking mainly for information, but they find each other there.

My brother Sakib, a PhD student at the University of Wyoming, USA, pointed out that without libraries, a culture of constructive, thoughtful discussions and sharing of knowledge and information among the young generation can’t take place. People, he finds, even in his generation, don't have the understanding that two plus two makes more than four if knowledge is shared among friends, colleagues and acquaintances. He says that from his experience, it always leads to a win-win situation. Public/private libraries play a big role in developing this kind of ‘intelligentsia’ which can shape and guide the nation to move forward positively in the future.

He also pointed out the quality of writers we, Bangladeshis, possess and demanded that could anyone tell him why we aren’t having writers like Late Shahidullah Kaiser, Late Munir Chowdhury, Late Syed Waliullah or Late Kazi Nazrul Islam. He exclaimed "Forget about Maya Angelou, Milan Kundera, Gabriel García Márquez, Dominique Lapierre, or Naom Chomsky. If you look around, we don't even have quality authors like Shomoresh Majumder, Sunil Gangapadhya or Sattyajit Ray, who are from our neighboring Indian state of West Bengal." He expalined how they played, and are still playing, considerable roles in shaping the minds of the youth, who later become conscious citizens, a crucial factor for a society to progress with the middle class or bourgeois community taking the lead. There is a high probability that a strong middle class can provide us with capable leaders, which a developing country direly needs. He made the wry comment, "Writers like Humayan Ahmed, sorry to say, won’t be able to play a role like this. I believe libraries inspire you to dream and to write, but the quality of our local libraries today can hardly provide such inspiration".

The presence of libraries in Dhaka (forget the rest of the country) is needless to say deplorable. At present we have only six major libraries in the city. There is the British Council Library with audio-visual and internet facilities, the USIS library which has an article-alert service including newspaper microfilms, the Indian Information Service Library and the Bishwa Shahitya Kendra Library, with its unique mobile library service. But the conditions of the two Public libraries of the city – the Armanitola branch, previously known as the Northbrook Hall Library or the Lalkuthi Library, and the Mahanagar Pathagar at the south-eastern corner of Osmany Uddyan – makes me want to cry. The collection hasn’t been updated since time immemorial I’m sure, and whatever there is, is falling to ruins.

Top officials from the government and business sectors should realize the immense importance of having quality libraries and do their part in helping to reverse the current situation. I came across a news of how developers of the Glendale Mall in Indianapolis, USA approached the Indianapolis Marion County Public Library officials with a lease proposal offering over 33,000 Sft of space for a branch library that would serve as an anchor store in the mall. The library has been very successful, helping to revitalize the mall.

The day I see one of the countless urban community development projects like Bashundhara City, Jamuna Future Park or Japan Garden City have included a library in their plans, I will keel over. Not from shock but with the joy of having more opportunities to page through shelves of books stacked into neat rows. Books that whisper of far away kingdoms with fantastic, ethereal creatures; of nerve-wracking mysteries and wild, reckless adventures led by handsome heroes and beautiful heroines; of tales of human triumph and failure; of wisdom, love, hope, fear, despair and every other human emotion there is out there. Books that whisper of life.